SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION

I'm not always the cliched loner rambling about corruption and the hapless state of pop culture. Sometimes I perform menial labor for movie and television shoots. Once, back in college, I ditched class for an entire semester so I could get coffee for actors and make copies for producers.

Two years have passed and they finally released a trailer. IMDB.com gave it 8.2/10 stars, Rotten Tomatoes gave it two positive user comments out of two, and if you're the kind of front runner who values awards, well it also won best picture and director at the Phoenix Film Festival.

I don't want to take all the credit for its success, but I can't help notice just how caffeinated those actors look.

THE GREATEST DEPRESSION

When my grand kids ask me, "Grandpa what was it like during the greatest depression?"

I'll say,
"Pull up a hover chair, gather around, and I'll tell you. It started way back when..."

Then I'll download my thoughts directly into their brains through a silicon mirco-chip implanted behind their scapalers.

If they still don't understand I will show them this picture, of what their grandmothers and great-grandmothers were reading at super market check-outs and everything will make sense.

WONDER' WHAT THEY'RE THINKING

Normally I wouldn't partake in the tabloid fodder that has consumed this fine country as of late, but I couldn't resist THIS. That's Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, in the center. Pretty much the only woman. Directly behind Pelosi, sniffing her left earlobe is Rahm Emanuel. He is President Obama's Chief of Staff.



Here are two public figures, happily married...to different people, sharing a moment, in my auspicious eye, of sexual arousal on literally a public stage, with cameras, in front of the flag. Whatever pictures of torture President Obama is withholding must be pretty bad if he is willing to let this one slide.

Big Deal or Non Event: Is it my failure to realize politicians share intimate moments with colleagues? Are they not normal people like you and me with humanly conditions? Do we unassumingly view our political leaders through stain-glasses windows?

Or is it uncomfortable imagery that acts as metaphor for a one-party political system that incubates power lusting and incest?

You decide, link to the rest of the photos:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/12/rahm-emanuel-and-nancy-pe_n_202035.html

INJUSTICE GANG: TODAY'S PETITIONS

TELL OBAMA YOU WANT TRANSPARENCY

The very fact that photos of torture and abuse exist, only underscores the need for transparency, accountability and for a full investigation of crimes committed.

The President is listening to and weighing carefully the advice of those in his administration on these issues. But he also needs to hear from concerned citizens like you.

Join the ACLU in calling on President Obama to put the full weight of his leadership behind our call for transparency and accountability.

SAVE THE RAINFOREST, SHOULDN'T WE HAVE DONE THIS BY NOW

Malaysia's government owned and subsidized oil palm cooking oil and biofuel industry -- the scourge of Asia and the world's rainforests -- is continuing to expand, this time into the heart of the Brazilian Amazon

GET HORMONES OUT OF THE MILK IN SCHOOLS

Food & Water Watch’s School Milk Campaign wants Congress to make the smart choice for school lunches: milk free of artificial growth hormones.

The federal nutrition programs are a major provider of milk to our nation’s school-age children. According to the National Milk Producers Federation, nearly 430 million gallons of milk were distributed through the National School Breakfast, Lunch, and Special Milk programs during the 2005-2006 school year. Unfortunately, a significant amount of this milk may have been produced with artificial growth hormones.

Can you sign our petition to ask Congress to state that schools can purchase artificial hormone-free milk and organic milk?

INJUSTICE GANG: MORE STOP THE DRILLING, STOP THE OIL

I love how hippies do all the work and I just get email alerts, type in some info, and BAM, democratic process.

Here is another Oil Petition for you to consider:

Tell truth to power: "Directional drilling" is a Trojan horse for the Arctic Refuge.
For eight years, Big Oil tried to drill the Arctic Refuge - Americans just won't let them turn our national treasures into Swiss cheese. Despite all the setbacks and uncertainty about how much oil even exists there, Big Oil won't stop scheming. The newest scam is called "directional drilling," which really means they want to drill sideways into the Refuge from other environmentally sensitive areas including offshore platforms in the Polar Bear Seas.

The Coast Guard counted an average of 90 oil spills per day in the United States last year. No matter which way you drill into the Refuge, there are going to be spills. Drilling for oil will spoil this land. We can't allow it.

Tell your Senators to oppose this ridiculous Trojan horse attempt to drill the Refuge.

PETITION LINK:
http://www.capwiz.com/alaskawild/issues/alert/?alertid=13243936&external_id=10396.-1235135

INJUSTICE GANG: STOP THE DRILLING, STOP THE OIL

Oh the lessons of Save By The Bell. If there was one thing I learned in the 90's it was that "everything has its price," especially drilling for oil. Even if that means losing your dreams of getting a new football field or being the richest waitress in the World. Just like Jessie Spano, you can be an environmental activist and prevent spills similar to the one that claimed the life of Becky the Duck, R.I.P. Signing this petition to stop drilling in the state waters of Florida will save you the hassle of chaining yourself to a prop oil rig in the hallways of a fake high school.

LINK TO PETITION:
http://action.defenders.org/stopoffshoredrilling

BONUS LINK:
I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KNIT PICK'S INJUSTICE GANG

You can help make next year's Mother's Day better for all the woman and children who won't be around to see it. Your signature on this petition will help get cosponsors for H.R. 1410 , the Newborn, Child and Mother Survival Act of 2009. If they don't get the medicine they need they'll be over 500,000 lonely cheap Hallmark cards and flower arrangements sitting on shelves in grocery stores all over Africa and the rest of the World.

Around the world, more than 25,000 children under the age of 5 die every day from preventable and treatable diseases, and about 536,000 women die from pregnancy and birth-related causes. That's simply unacceptable.

We need a new U.S. global plan and effort to reduce deaths among millions of newborns, young children and mothers by 25 percent in the 30 most-affected poor countries by 2013. The Newborn, Child and Mother Survival Act of 2009 (H.R. 1410) offers a strategy to accomplish these goals by investing in highly effective, low-cost solutions.

This Mother's Day, speak up for moms and newborns around the world! Urge your representative to cosponsor the Newborn, Child and Mother Survival Act of 2009.

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/320839701?z00m=19758873

THE KNIT PICK NEEDS YOUR HELP

The whole reason I started this site was to help people who can't help themselves. Sure its been mostly YouTube videos thus far, but I'm just laying the foundation. Its important to see where I get my inspiration. You've got to unlearn what you've been taught by your TV and other useless media. Then you'll be more susceptible to my future entrants. Even though we haven't reached that point, there should be no reason you aren't behind this petition.

Roxana Saberi is an American journalist with dual Iranian-American citizenship who has been imprisoned in Iran since late January. On April 18, based on a closed, one day trial, Ms. Saberi was sentenced to eight years in prison for charges of spying for the United States, a charge the White House vigorously denies as "baseless."

Ms. Saberi has been living in Iran for the past six years while reporting for National Public Radio, the BBC, ABC News and others reputable international media outlets. She was arrested in late January for purchasing wine, which is illegal in Iran, and held without charges for over a month. Iranian officials later claimed she had been working illegally without a press pass yet escalated charges to espionage. The evidence against her has never been made public. (see NPR's timeline of the case)

http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/505401348?z00m=19758752

I'll keep you updated.

KNIT PICKS ON 3OH!3 and FINGER11

As I pointed out with my previous post about Kanye West, musicians aren't immune to borrowing inspiration from other artists. This is nothing new. Unfortunately, today's youth suffer from a little thing I like to call Historical Amnesia. When some hardcore Emo sycophant feels proud about pointing out the fact that 3OH!3's new single "Don't Trust Me" sounds a lot like Finger 11 "Paralyzer". It is your job to remind them of a singer from the 80's by the name Taylor Dayne, who already did a song called "Don't Rush Me." Gotta love the music biz. And they really expect you to pay for every download?

Here is your video evidence:

TAYLOR DAYNE, "DON"T RUSH ME"


FINGER 11, "PARALYZER"


3OH!3, "DON'T TRUST ME"


BONUS: EMO POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS

KNIT PICKS ON KANYE WEST

I like Kanye West. He's got great style. He's not afraid to speak his mind and most of song are really catchy. Including "Love Lockdown" the first single from his new 808 and Heartbreak album.



There's just one problem. It's been done before.

MCLOVIN DOES RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE DOC

The only way to begin this post properly is:

Dude, is that Mclovin?

(If you're short on time, fastforward to minute marker 1.24)



Sure as hell looks and sounds like him. If its not then I'm an idiot, and my excuse is that I've never been able to properly evaluate look-a-likes. Ask any of my friends. Even now if just one of my readers were to comment, "yeah, I kind of see it." I would be doing better than my historical average. Don't believe me? Than I reference the following picture of myself and a man I believed to be Josh Grobin.



NOTE: Even "Josh" didn't agree with the comparison. Right back at ya, buddy.


MCLOVIN BACKGROUND
Official name: Christopher Mintz-Plasse

Imdb Page:
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2395586/

Wikipedia Page:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christopher_Mintz-Plasse

FOUNDING FATHER: ADAM COROLLA

A Tribute to a King Knit Picker

Adam Corolla has been as integral to my development as anyone else in my life. In grade school I would turn my radio real low and tuck towels under the door so my parents would think I was asleep. From 12-2am on school nights I absorbed the wisdom of Adam and Dr. Drew like a sponge. Loveline taught me about the birds and the bees and how to use common sense when dealing with the complexities of life. It also taught me geography because its hard to forget the names of cities when people from Boise or Baton Rouge called in to ask about the bump on the tip of their penis or anal seepage. That sort of thing sticks with a third grader. The only downside could be that I stunted my growth from developing insomnia and now I scream at the top of my lunges and insult people to get a point across, but I'm working on that. Never the less, those nights under my covers with my ear pressed to the alarm clock radio have forever made an impression on my deep subconscious for good or ill. Now thanks to the versatility of the Internet and YouTube I can relive those moments and share them with you. Here is a classic Adam rant about religion, science, and societal responsibility.
(If you are short on time he really gets going around the 2.15 minute mark and crescendos around 5.50)

KNIT PICKS ON GENETICALLY MODIFIED FOOD

THE FUTURE OF FOOD

I'm not a crazy conspiracy theorist or survivalist held up in a backwoods shanty hoarding ammunition and preparing for Armageddon. However, I do believe we can't keep carrying on with our collective head in the sand. This documentary investigates the effects of genetically modified food on a global scale and its findings are pretty scary, but its not all bad news, even though the positive commentary does not come until the last 15 minutes. We need to take an honest evaluation of how we choose to live. The truth is you've been eating this crap for the past 10 years and our government and multinational corporations have done about everything in their power to stop you from knowing that, including extorting the backbone of our society, the family farmer.

Information about the director:
Deborah Koons is Jerry Garcia's widow and for me that's about all I need to know. Any woman who can seduce the sensitive 9 finger song smith must be something special. Granted, shaving her armpits and showering once a week would make her more desirable than 99% of the other women who tried to bed Captain Trips in his day, still there is something to be said for any woman who has the charisma to tame a wild heart.



If viewing this documentary makes you feel like doing something about food safety, you can make a difference here:
http://action.foodandwaterwatch.org/t/5915/petition.jsp?petition_KEY=1920

GOOD PUNK: FEATURED ARTIST OF THE WEEK

THE GASLIGHT ANTHEM

These guys are playing at Coachella this week, but I can't go because I have some previously schedule slave labor to attend too. They remind me of a young Green Day. Rolling Stone has a major boner for them and people make comparisons to Bruce Springsteen, but that's only because they are from New Jersey. Its sort of like when sports analysts only reference other white athletes when comparing current Caucasian talent to historical athletes.


Here's a video from Letterman:


Myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/thegaslightanthem

Band Website:
http://www.gaslightanthem.com/site/

Wikipedia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Gaslight_Anthem

Facebook (for the stalkers out there):
http://www.facebook.com/s.php?init=q&q=the%20gaslight%20anthem&ref=ts&sid=9219fa54700f55f11d7e860f6bc936ac#/group.php?sid=9219fa54700f55f11d7e860f6bc936ac&gid=61442675088&ref=search

NEED HELP?

Our government isn't totally evil. They really do want to help you with your problems.

http://www.samhsa.gov/

LEARNING THE HARD WAY

As wise as I am, I wish had learned more when I had the chance. If you rush through things you learn the hard way. It is better to be patient and get things right the first time then to have to go back and get them right later.

-Pee Gone-il

GOING TO CLASS

Going to class is the easiest thing to do to be successful. Not going to class is the easiest way to fail.

-Pee Gone-il

DATING ADVICE

It is better to buy 12 roses and give them to 12 women than to buy a dozen for one.

-Jon Gone-sung

DATING ADVICE

Keep your pants on.

-Jon Gone-sung

WAR

There is no just war.

-Jon Gone-sung

DESPARATE FOR HELP

This guy, Dawson McAllister, is your man. He might be Christian which is kind of creepy, but his heart is in the right place. Who knows he might be able to help you.

Go to his website:
http://dmlive.com/

GAS STATIONS

Its funny gas stations don’t have recycling bins. They are trying to save the world by investing money in cleaner fuel technologies. How can oil companies be the solution and the problem?

SMART THINGS SOMEONE ELSE SAID

The daily press is the evil principle of the modern world, and time will only serve to disclose this fact with greater and greater clearness. The capacity of the newspaper for the degeneration is sophistically with limit, since it can always sink lower and lower in its choice of readers. At last it will stir up all those dregs of humanity which no state or government can control.
-Soren Kierkegaard

SMART THINGS SOMEONE ELSE SAID

A human being is primarily a bag for putting food into; the other functions and faculties may be more godlike, but in point of time they come afterwards.
-George Orwell

SMART THINGS SOMEONE ELSE SAID

If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that's another weakness.

HUMAN REJECT BIN: KIDS

Children are the dumbasses of our time. They wouldn't even be able to tie their shoes if it weren't for us old people teaching them how to do it. Help make them less stupid. Click on the link below.

http://www.unicef.org/

SMART THINGS SOMEONE ELSE SAID

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.
-Ambrose Bierce

MAKING AN IMPRESSION

Want to make a good impression? Look well dressed. Be five minutes early. There is a science to these things. You don’t have to know how it works, only that it does, repeatedly.

-Pee Gone-il

WRITING

Being a writer is a requirement of an educated man and a successful communicator.

-Pee Gone-il

THE LEARNING CURVE

There is a learning curve to be proficient at anything. Each time you do something you will get better at it, so keep writing if you want to be a writer, sing if you want to be a singer, and love if you want to be a better person.

-Pee Gone-il

SAYING THANK YOU

One thing to learn when you are out in the world on your own is to say thank you. Saying thanks is the most important social skill, its evolutionary. It only takes seconds to do the things that create good will.

-Pee Gone-il

THE BEST WOMEN

The best women want guys with good futures. Futures can make up for your features. Give them a ring, a rhyme and they’ll be yours for time. More than grades make success. Even your clothes play a part. In the end, it what’s between the ears and in your heart.

-Pee Gone-il

GOOD COMPANY

Try to be in the presence of someone who will make you better. Fearing the company of successful people means finding comfort in the proposition of a mirror and a loser.

-Pee Gone-il

MISTAKES AND HABITS

Recognize your mistakes so they don’t become habits. The convenient thing about habits is you can break them, lose them, but you’ll always have them.

-Pee Gone-il

LOVE

Love is an emotional connection based on careful anticipation of response to thoughtful action. That’s saying its sensitive. Physical contact and material goods can be part of the equation put they are only small variables.

-Pee Gone-il

WOMEN AND MONEY

When you want to show someone how much you care with gifts, your love life may soar but your bank account will fall. So be creative. The best relationships are made from things that are timeless and true.

-Pee Gone-il

BUDGETS

The principle of a budget: If it’s not in the budget, don’t buy it.

-Pee Gone-il

HONESTY

I’ve only got time on this earth to talk to real people, saying real things, with real heart.

-Pee Gone-il

WOMEN

Inside is the prize. What she looks like in pictures only matters if all you can do is stare at her.

-Pee Gone-il

NEGOTIATIONS

When dealing with a shrewd negotiator who doesn’t show all his cards there are a couple things you can do. One, know your hand. Two, stack the deck.

-Pee Gone-il

WHAT WOMEN LIKE

1.Custom CD’s
2.Helicopter rides*
*Source: Wall Street Journal

-Pee Gone-il

HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE

Believe in yourself. Believe in life’s plan for you. Have a great attitude about what you will accomplish. See yourself accomplishing what you want. Write down your goals. Write down your daily plan to help you stay on task. Get an education, it is like anything else, the more you put in the more you get out. Make lots of important relationships. Save your money so you have a nice little nice egg when you are done working.

-Pee Gone-il

TOUGH TIMES

We must look to accept the hardship life gives us everyday.

-Pee Gone-il

RIGHTS IN AMERICA

All or our rights come with responsibilities, there are no unfettered rights.

-Pee Gone-il

GIRLS FROM SAN FRAN

Girls from San Francisco are a lot smarter and are more cultured than the girls form southern California. They are also a lot gayer.

-Pee Gone-Il

TELEVISION

TV is freaking killer, throw it would the window.

-Pee Gone-il

EDUCATION

Get a good education so you know more than the other person they are interviewing for the job you want.

-Pee Gone-il

THE LONGEST ROAD

The longest road can be the distance between the brain and the heart.

-Pee Gone-il

YOU SHOULD ALWAYS...

Think big, visualize yourself there and work smart.

-Pee Gone-il

LIFE

Life helps those who ask and who help themselves.

-Pee Gone-il

NEGATIVE ENERGY

Successful people do not waste negative energy on the possibility of failure.

-Pee Gone-il

ANATOMY OF A PEP TALK

Always know the goal. Never let anybody down. Always improve.

-Pee Gone-il

EXACT WORD SEARCH

Use this Google shorthand to search exact phrase within the "________"