In Case You Missed It
Between Two Ferns
AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS 2009
READ ARTICLE
Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!
MASS MEDIA
NEW FORMAT: The following thoughts are actually clickable links.
I guess this technology movement totally backfired on the cops.
I had English professor explain post-modern as a bunch of small truths as opposed to modern times where there is just one BIG TRUTH. In reality the theory needs more definition. Face it perspective is just that.
I'm going to do more research on this topic because looking back on it there was something a little off with my breast milk.
Oh you were trying to warn us. We all thought you were crazy. In our defense when has a gravy train ever ended?
What do you expect? We are only human. Give them some points for at least trying.
cooking + science = Tofu
Amnesty International is the real world equivalent of The Super Friends
I smoke but maybe you like clean air.
Corporations are still amoral.
Imagine living in the 2nd and 3rd world for a moment.
Green washing. Let's all use candles.
A debate worth reading.
WELCOME BACK ME
Sorry for not posting in awhile. I was busy working on another project. Don't fret we'll all catch up soon enough.
In the mean time you can read
for free online here.
By the time you are done I should have some new content to enjoy.
FOUNDING FATHER: MICHIO KAKU
Michio Kaku is more than a man with awesome hair. He is a theoretical physicist who not only asks mind melting questions, he attempts to answer them with all available scientific know how.
He come across as a kook to the uneducated, but he knows more than you and even better uses Back to the Future references to explain his theories.
Teleport "just like in Star Trek!"
He can read your mind.
He watches you in the shower.
He does a lot better job talking the Hadron Collider than the girls on The Hills
Making another Star Trek and Star Wars reference.
KNIT PICKS ON THE FUTURE AND HISTORY OF WEED
It might seem odd to ne one who knows me personally that I am against the legalization of marijuana. Well I'll let Lewis Black tell you why. Because an anger white man with spazmatic fingers is far more entertaining than a long winded post.
[HIS TIRAID BEGINS AROUND 2.05]
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Back in Black - Recession Winners | ||||
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Nothing resembling a scene from Oprah's Great Debaters but pretty convincing.
According this article by jointogether.org and the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, twenty-one percent of state inmates and 63 percent of federal inmates are considered non-violent drug offenders. That means privately owned and publically traded prison building companies like Geo Group Inc are making a killing on locking up addicts.
For more information on that watch American Drug War, The Last White Hope
So now we want the government to get a piece the action? Their War on Drugs has only resulted in a increase of drugs in America. Ultimately, leading to more dangerous and creative moonshine approaches to getting high, ie meth and crack, a job once left up to the leaf.
Let's not forget it's the government who is to blame for the lack of distinction between marijuana and other hard drugs. That myth of drug equality has created a subsection of people within the 19.6% of 12- to 17-year-olds who reported using marijuana. A subsection that found it not be harmful and question the validity of arguments against other mind altering substances like cocaine and acid. These are the people who later become the addicts.
With seemingly no end in sight and the explosion of horrific violence created by the trafficking, selling, and using of drugs what are we to do?
The solution isn't legalization its decriminalization. In burnout speech, just let it grow man!
FOUNDING FATHER: BILL MAHER
If I was 10 IQ points smarter and half Jewish I would probably be Bill Maher. Sadly I'm not. Until scientists find a way to make that happen I'll just have to post his genius videos and wish that was me.
MASS MEDIA
My little sister just got back from a couple months in Europe and they must still be listening to house music over there because she admitted to knowing only one MGMT song. Sure Europeans don't drive in cars as much and The Man can't continuously feed his subliminal advertising into people's ears during every minute of their waking life. But come on, the best band out today, Muse, happens to be from England. So I've taken the chance to compile some tracks, aiding her transition back into modern society.
Muse: Knights of Cydonia
Muse: Take a Bow
Muse: House of the Rising Sun
MGMT: Kids
MGMT: Weekend Wars
MGMT: We Care
MGMT: Of Moons, Birds, and Monsters
MGMT: Destrokk
Built to Spill: Going Against Your Mind
Built to Spill: Liar
Built to Spill: Wherever You Go
WENDESDAY MORNING INSPIRATION
Wednesdays are tough because they are the technically the farthest you can get from the weekend. Some would argue that is Monday is farther away, but those people would be idiots because Mondays are literally the closest you can get to a weekend besides Friday.
So to keep spirits up here is 40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes:
HUMAN EMOTION: SADNESS
Humans form strong bonds with each other known as relationships. They appear to be the specie's strongest catalyst for emotion, other than art.
One kind of relationship between a "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" is called dating. It's a ritual of going out to eat together at Olive Gardens, playing miniature golf, and fondling one an other's sexual organs.
When the bond between boyfriend and girlfriend, or lovers, is no longer valid the practice of "breaking up" commences. This process can take anywhere from a few minutes to years to be completed.
It is during this transaction that one or more of the humans expresses the sadness emotion. It can be very powerful. Even evoking other emotions like anger. The whole operation seems to part of healing method to bring the humans psyche back to equilibrium.
Let us observe this trait in a male subject ripe with emotion sadness. Notice the furling of his brow, the sternness of his eyes, and how the corners of his mouth turn downward. These signs appear to be consistent with our findings. One symptom of sadness that seems to be absent in "Ricky" is crying. Although, it can be inferred that he probably does this consistently into his pillow at night.
UNDERSTANDING POLITICS
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There is a sort of euphoria that has engulfed America since the election of current President Barack Obama. It is yet to be determined if it is deserved. Maybe the fact that we haven't much of anything to hang our hat on lately has something do with it. Since I have no credentials to judge, time will tell.
However, it concerns me generations of new democrats have been spawned more out of admiration for the president's celebrity status than his actual politics, not a new concept.
Remembering the elections of 2000 and 2004 when the country was divided along the lines of right and left, conservative and liberal, red and blue, without knowing their true definition, one realizes that political affiliation is quite superficial.
The retardedness of this country's voters seems to be at the core of issue. Most can't remember the 11+ political parties that have held power in America since the 1700's, let alone name them. More importantly, they don't know how the issues align with their personal beliefs. Evident in the following Howard Stern video.
Sadly, not shocking.
So KPM has collected some tools to help you determine and remember your own political affiliation.
Political Compass Test
Definition of political parties thanks to sjgames.com
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
R.I.P. David Carradine 1936-2009
Mr. Carradine will not receive FOUNDER status, but we can elevate him to the level of Distinguished Human.
Read more about him on his MAHALO.COM page...
A personal note:
Long before Kill Bill, when my parents attended high society dinners, or whatever investment bankers and their wives do on Friday and Saturday nights, basic cable would function as my babysitter. Nanny programing like X-Files, Renegade, Tales From the Crypt, and Kung Fu The Legend Continues. They of course were cheaper than a real person and didn't invite their boyfriends over to steal my parent's beer.
Even though most of the old Kung Fu episode's have since been purged from my memory to make room for more important things. I'll never forget the time David Carradine's character eluded some bad guys by climbing a perfectly flat wall using his bare hands. It was an impressive feat, even for a Kung Fu master. Every other episode it seemed like he just pummeled henchmen with a walking stick.
KNIT'S PICKS: COSMOS AND FOUNDING FATHER CARL SAGAN
The other day I tried to imagine the edge of space and the sack inside my skull ruptured.
What's outside the visible galaxies? Is space inside of itself? Does it overlap? What the hell is the purpose of the universe? What is dark matter?
These questions might not perturb anyone else, but to me, they form my fundamental understanding of the nature of life.
Some less-curious individuals might brush them off or give them a name, like God, but that attitude only helps to line the pockets of celibate men who read fairy tales.
Fortunately, for the human race, some very curious scientists have spent their lives's finding clues to this cosmogonic riddle.
Let me introduce the late great Carl Sagan.
You might know his name. Although I gather if you knew what he was about the world would be a much different place.
A visionary, astronomer, astrochemist, author, and human from the planet Earth, Carl Sagan produced one of the greatest series ever in television history, COSMOS.
In it, he tried to open ignorant eyes to the wonders of space and time. A thoughtful production that is still the most widely watched PBS series of all time. Sadly, it didn't take with many viewers, as evident by the construction of new creationist museums and the cars I see in church parking lots on Sundays.
Yet, if there is one thing I learned for COSMOS. It is that time is on the side of the wise man. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not 5 years from now, but one day we'll realize we are all on this tiny spinning blue life raft together and we need every one's talents to figure out where it's going to land.
THE KNIT PICK MANUAL PROUDLY PRESENTS... COSMOS
Link to COSMOS' main page on HULU.COM I didn't feel like embedding all 13 episodes from season 1 so...
PEOPLE SKILLS: HEIGHT
Over millions of years of evolution humans have grown fundamentally upwards.
The average American man is 5'9 and the average American woman is 5'4. Any height greater than those averages is considered "tall." Being taller has many advantages.
For starters, tall people can reach really high things on top shelves or change light bulbs without using chairs, ladders, or other such apparatuses. 
A tall person's arms also come in handy when reaching things that have fallen behind couches or under automobiles.
In addition, during religious festivities, height capable people use their stretching ability to place very important paper mache stars on the top of indoor conifer saplings, known as Christmas trees. 
They also use less steps to cross the same distances as shorter people.
More than that, the vertically gifted can see over people, which comes in handy at concerts, impromptu street performances, or when they want to know what's holding up a line.
Photographers also like tall students to stand in the back row of class pictures, allowing them to be seen without the smaller students having to crouch or kneel. Likely saving school systems tens, if not, hundreds of dollars in chair and bleacher costs.
In some circles, it is rumored that male humans of above average height have larger genitals. 
Although, this cannot be confirmed or denied, the theory assumes that people's extremities are proportional to their bodies. Oddly enough, height seems to have little to no effect on the size of female mammaries. This on the other hand, is well documented in the cases of the many tall and very flat chested super models who wander the runways of Paris, Milan, and New York.
One of the downsides to being tall appears to be finding appropriate clothing. The large surface area their bodies require more fabric to cover. As well as the inherited range of body types and masses. A phenomenon that lead to the advent of the Gilbert's Big and Tall clothing store.
Yet having height does have disadvantages. Airline seats can be too small, doorways pose serious threats for head injuries, and adolescence can be a particularly difficult and awkward stage of life.
Here are some other facts about tall people from grumpychimp.com
1. Tall People Earn More
A 2004 study revealed that every inch adds about $789 per year in earnings.
2. They Are Smarter
Princeton economists published a 2006 study identifying why tall people make more money. The conclusion, they're smarter than you.
"As early as age 3 -- before schooling has had a chance to play a role -- and throughout childhood, taller children perform significantly better on cognitive tests,"
"As adults, taller individuals are more likely to select into higher-paying occupations that require more advanced verbal and numerical skills and greater intelligence, for which they earn handsome rewards."
They also state that nutrition can play a role in both height and intelligence. Therefore, better nourished babies end up taller and smarter.
3. Tall People are More Attractive
A study at the University of Gdansk in northern Poland concluded that the ideal height of an attractive woman was 5'9 and 6'2 for a man.
4. Tall People are Leaders
Only a handful of presidents have been shorter than average. In fact, the last time it happened was in 1896 with William McKinley who stood 5 feet 7 inches tall. The tallest presidents have been Abraham Lincoln at 6'4, Lyndon Johnson, Bill Clinton, Thomas Jefferson, and Franklin Roosevelt. The average CEO of fortune 500 companies is just a smidge under 6'.
5. They are Better Athletes
The average NBA player is about 6'7, NFL is over 6'1, MLB is over 6'1, NHL is 6'1 and tennis about 6'1.
6. Women Prefer Tall Men
A recent study shows that taller men are less likely to be bachelors and are more likely to have children. In fact, men with children are 1.2 inches taller than childless men. The reason behind this? Women view tall men as healthier and more likely to protect and provide.
INJUSTICE GANG: PETITION LINKS
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Dr. Michael Doyle eats his salad with gloves. Should you?
Get Habitat for Humanity its money back
George Clooney loves him some UN Peacekeepers. You should too.
Because no one actually needs nuclear weapons.
It's about high time women got paid for making life tolerable at the office.
PEOPLE SKILLS: FACIAL HAIR GROWTH
Human males and some human females, have the ability to grow coarse hair on their faces, particular on the top of the head, along the jaw line, under the nose, around the mouth and on/under the chin. This hair will continue to grow unless it is cut, shaved, waxed off, or treated with a chemicals.
At length, this facial hair can be molded and styled into particular formations. Humans with above average facial hair skills can show their beards at the World Beard and Mustache Championships. The man pictured above was not invited to the competition.
For full coverage follow the link[Site not safe for work]:
America Takes Top Honors in the 2009 World Beard and Moustache Championships
REAL SPORTS
A comedian once mused that it would be better to see actual mascots of professional football teams fight than watch the teams play each other. I whole-heartedly agree.
Here is a little play-by-play (imagine a South African accent):
The conditions are hot and dry... It doesn't seem to bother the Bills, though, as they confidently enter the Lion's den doing their trademark Super Bill Shuffle. But this is their turf and the Lions are not going to take that brash behavior lying down... Detroit's captain, Lion-O Richie, calls the first play. It's an all out the blitz... The Bill's retreat but the slow moving rookie receiver out of Dartmouth, Bison Leftwhich, was caught from behind and dragged out of bounds... In vintage desert swarm defense, the Lions chew on his hobbled body. WAIT what's this? There appears to be something coming coming out of the water. Its, a the Florida Gator. Possibly Tim Tebow. Someone needs to remind him he's in the wrong league... Looks like the Lions are going to keep this Buffalo Bill for themselves... They're dragging him back inbounds... Tebow had enough, he's heading off to do a mission in Malaysia... Now there is some action on the Buffalo side of the ball... Looks like they are lining up in a strange formation... I don't believe it, the old student body right. Well, I haven't seen this since '59 and the Annexation of Puerto Rico...The herd apparently is taking the offensive... They've seen enough humiliation of their rookie teammate... Hold on there's a whistle... Offsides on the Bills... The herd quickly regroups and makes another run... This time its successful... Bison Leftwich is back on his feet... Do you believe in miracles?... He's going to be alright folks... It really looked like he wasn't going to get up from that one. He was down there a long time... The Bills look rejuvenated... They're chasing the Lions all over the field... The Lions are running scared... That's it sports fans... Two teams entered only one can be victorious... Both squads competed valiantly, but today's winner was the American tourist who's community college photography classes really paid off.
Just watch the clip.
Bonus: ALL TIME FAVORITE LION VIDEO
BIG NEWS: KNIT PICK APPAREL
We'll I sold out. Got myself a little Google Adsense and my own apparel. The Knit Pick Manual is partnering with ALLWAYSKIND.COM designer clothing. I've a got a couple tee shirts I've always wanted made and they pertain to this site so what can it hurt? Although don't expect too much from a company that specializes in hooded sweatshirts and fire arms for the start of summer.
SITE FEATURE: IMPORTANT LINKS
Everyday the inter-web grows larger and more compartmentalized[SEE MAP]. It would take a lot of clicking for you to explore it on your own, and carpal tunnel probably isn't on your bucket list. Which is exactly the reason I added the IMPORTANT LINKS tab in the upper right hand corner. It has all the essential links you'll need to improve your first life(any waking activity away from this screen) while using your 2nd(the life you spend chained to a keyboard.) 
Think of it as an on-line tool box.
Over the course of the upcoming weeks I will post the importance and uses of each individual link. Until then click away.
INJUSTICE GANG: TODAY'S PETITION LINKS
It would take you 5 minutes to fill out all of these links. Trust me after the first two you get into a rhythm. I wouldn't say its fun, but you'll feel good about yourself afterward.
We freed Saberi, but she's not alone
Ask President Obama and Secretary Vilsack to protect American consumers by maintaining the ban on Chinese chicken.
Tell Congress you want action on global warming
Because Child Marriage is just GROSS
You don't have to be Al Gore to realize renewable energy zones in public land is a bad idea
Museums make children less stupid and like I said before they need all the help they can get
Restore Conservation Funding for Our National Parks and other Public Lands
Obama's Ocean To-Do List
Tell Congress: The Tongass needs conservation, not clearcutting.
Backup a corporate big wig's email account with this Amazon Palm Oil protest action alert
INJUSTICE GANG: ROXANA SABERI FREE!!
Justice is still alive, well, and residing in Vienna. If you signed the petition pat yourself on the back.
Iranian-American journalist Roxana Saberi has been freed from a Tehran prison.
The move follows a decision by an Iranian appeals court to reduce her original eight-year prison term on spying charges to a two-year suspended sentence.
The surprise twist in the journalist's saga came a day after an appeals court in Tehran held a hearing on her case.
Follow the link to read more:
Roxana Saberi's Jail Sentence Suspended, Allowed To Leave Iran
INJUST GANG: TODAY'S PETITION LINKS
Federal Dollars Allocated for Unapproved Offshore Fish Farming. Tell Congress to Oppose Wasteful Spending!
Bring Joy to Children Facing Life-Threatening Medical Conditions
Ron Paul wants you to support Adam Kokesh for Congress
Say thank you and help the government build our clean energy future.
Help Colorado go solar.
Urge Congress to Pass the Public Lands Service Corps Act
Final House vote on credit card reform TOMORROW! Congress will screw things up if you don't get involved.
INJUSTICE GANG: TODAY'S PETITIONS
End "Finning" -- Save the Sharks!
Target: U.S. Senate
Sponsored by: Ocean Conservancy
The wasteful practice of finning -- slicing off a shark's valuable fins for soup and tossing the body back to sea -- must be stopped. The situation is grim for a growing number of shark populations who are in peril from overfishing and unsustainable finning -- we must do better.
The U.S. passed a national finning ban in 2000, but the practice continues and is still legal in many other nations. The demand for the fins -- which can sell for up to hundreds of dollars per pound -- remains high for shark fin soup, a delicacy.
The Shark Conservation Act of 2009 closes loopholes in the U.S. finning ban and can revitalize shark conservation efforts on a global scale. It must be passed without further delay. Please join us in sending a powerful message to your senators to end finning and save the sharks!
Urge Your Members of Congress to Support Environmental Education
Congress outlaw mountaintop mining, it's a crime
Help put a stop to the world's dirtiest fossil fuel!
TIMES AREN'T A-CHANGIN': PART 1
There's a movie out called I'm Out There, a biographical picture based on the life of Bob Dylan. It's most popular for being one of the last movies Health Ledger's did before he died. 
I give it a SHOULD WATCH on The Knit Picks Cinema Spectrum, which isn't officially a rating system, but moreover a collection of suggestions. It should be clear that I will probably never write "you shouldn't see this movie," "that movie was horrible," or any other derivative of 2 thumbs down. Its not because I've worked in film and understand the level of difficulty it takes to generate the right kind of chemistry that gives you a chance to receive a miniature gold man in the spring time.
Not really, if its a crap movie I'm not going to waste a half hour of my life writing how crappy it was, so you can see it and say, yeah that was crap. Then we've all wasted 3 hours of our lives without getting closer to the answer for: What makes a good movie? I don't have the time or luxury for that.
The Knit Pick Manual wants to capture the human legacy as its cresting. Creating multimedia snapshots of the ingredients that make us a different animal, not antics that perpetuate caricatures of our folly.
Sure I might rudely question the nature of things, but my objective is to reflect an image of ourselves we might not be able to see. To acknowledge achievements that are announced by kazoos yet deserve parade bands. No *ct*-m*ms, no J*nn!f@r @n!st*n here. Weather that is interpreted as the same sort of criticism that I'm lambasting is entirely up to you.
Telling you about a shitty movie won't stop shitty movies from being made. On the contrary, with everyone criticizing each other's art we stifle our courage to take risks, keeping us in the same corporate calculated rut that lead us into this imaginary maze.
Even the great Bob Dylan wasn't immune to public scrutiny, which the movie suggests inspired his 7 Simple Rules for Life in Hiding. The most appropriate being "Rule 7. Never create anything, it will be misinterpreted, it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life. It will never change"
Perhaps that is a flaw in all of us. Our uncanny ability to ignore all that is perfect in this world while being honed in on it's minor failings. Maybe we lack the cognition to understand, define, and recreate perfection. It could be we accidentally stumble upon greatness every once in a while when we are looking for something else. All we know is what perfect is not. It's mustard stains a white shirt or a small seed in the crevasses of some one's teeth. Obvious defects anyone could discern and remedy.
Then again we slave uninterrupted through jobs we hate, live in houses that make us sick, and drive over pot-holed roads in smog on a daily basis.
So why is it in a world that was perfect enough to be the only rock within the explored recesses of space that could cultivate life and provide all the elements for unimaginable innovation, but all we can do is harpoon the minor unavoidable aftermath of random circumstance. Simultaneously, ignoring the self-inflicted quagmires we have created merely by free will?
Somewhere along the line imperfection became synonymous with hard. Had he known the definition of the word, a cave man would think that living in the side of a mountain and killing mastodon's during an ice age was hard. If someone explained to him the concept of central heating and North Face apparel, then gave him a Webster's dictionary, he might think his situation was less than perfect.
Yet a geologist would enshrine his arrowheads in a museum for being the perfect tools of survival. Furthermore, any anthropologist would say that same cave man's bone density and internal organs were perfect for keeping him alive in such formidable conditions. Even still a physicist would remark at the perfect universal mechanics that kept the cave man's planet spinning and his feet on the ground.
By our nature it would be effortless to degrade his cave etchings that resemble the rudimentary stick figure work of a preschoolers today. Or poke fun at the cave man's abnormally large forehead and uni-brow. Although, I've never meet one in person and I hate to generalize cave men here, but I reckon they probably smelled horrible, with absolutely terrible manners.
Through all this it should be clear, though I am a crappy writer, that things we do with seem prehistoric to the next generation, if we make it, science willing. What are the arrow heads and flint stones of our time? What will generation X 2.0 put on display in their hallowed halls? Why spend one more ounce of energy living your short life within the illusion that by looking at what we do horribly we can find the directions to make it all better.
A spaghetti necklace didn't inspire the crown jewels of Scotland. Millard Fillmore didn't inspire John F. Kennedy Jr. to run for office. Howard the Duck didn't inspire Quentin Tarantino & Roger Avery to write Pulp Fiction.
So stop fucking giving credence to all the little mixed up, muddled up, shook up things in this world. Instead, thank Jack Kirby and Konrad Kuze who's inventions, the microchip and modern computer, allow your life to be a little less boring. And remember John Tyndall the guy who's fiber optics allow my blog to reach millions of homes regardless of the fact its only read by five of those people. Then maybe rent a really good movie no one has ever heard of and tell everybody about it. Conceivably, on your advice the right person will watch that movie and make one of their own. From which we'll either have another atrocious movie that will give birth to a new critic or some one might just stumble onto perfection again.
**PART 2 COVERAGE: A LITTLE BIT MOVIE AND PERFORMANCES, SOME SONG LYRICS, SOCIAL D VIDEO.
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